#4 Starbucks…insert knife and heart emoji here.

a love/hate relationship but most def … a first world problem

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts….the first world debate that has invaded many a conversation in this country.

I’ve been told by constructive critics 😉 that I need to provide some context for this post. Here it is~ I love Starbucks. It is delicious and fancy and 95% of the time the customer service is amazeballs…… all the things that at least temporarily ease my daily stress. Furthermore, there is a very convenient drive-thru near my house that the nearby Dunkin Donuts lacks. And when it’s 7a.m. and 25 degrees out, who’s really getting out of the car before they have to? At the same time, I hate Starbucks. It’s overpriced, loaded with empty calories, but mostly just over-priced.

Here’s a quick synopsis of the battle between Starbucks love and hate.

The Barista (proper noun? maybe.) greets me in a friendly voice “Welcome to Starbucks! What can I get started for you today?” I can’t decide whether I’m annoyed by this voice or jealous that whoever is on the other end of the speaker is literally always in a fantastic mood. It’s pleasantly refreshing yet patronizing as well. It’s as if that voice is saying “Welcome to Starbucks, you entitled first world brat – what “problem” in your cushy life brings you to the drive-thru today?” It’s like the voice knows that usually Starbucks trips are my reward for a rough morning with my devilish 2 year old, you remember….the one who read the book on how to be the biggest ahole in America? Because every struggle with your child should end in a non-insulated cup of overpriced coffee. Sidenote – why can’t you insulate your coffee cups, Starbucks? One can only drink a venti but so fast. $6 for a coffee that gets cold in 10 minutes?!? Are you like trying to protect the planet or something….where’s the styrofoam? ….that green plastic stick you put in there is not cutting it. LBR (let’s be real), if I’m in a mood to blow 10 bucks on a cup of coffee (obviously I bought a high calorie, carb-loaded treat too because…. go big or go home, right?), do you think I really give a shit if I’m protecting the environment?

Nonetheless, I respond to the annoyingly pleasant yet patronizing voice…….. ” grande iced vanilla soy latte, venti hot vanilla soy latte (because soy makes the vanilla latte much healthier), venti coffee frappucino (don’t judge!), okay fine …. grande coffee frappucino WITH whip……or my new fave…grande toasted white chocolate mocha with soy….WITH whip (because they asked and I need it to contradict the soy).

Then the barista says in his/her sweetest voice because Starbucks is all about customer service or because he/she has sensed my terrible mood and so the patronizing aspect of the voice gets turned up….”Anything else with that today?”

Me (internal thoughts): “What?! I just ordered a minimum $6 coffee drink! And now you have the nerve to assume I’m going to ADD something to my order so that the huge corporate conglomerate can have MORE of my teacher’s salary (see previous blog post for rant/explanation)?!?! Sidenote – I’m not even a little sure if I just used “corporate conglomerate” correctly, but it sounds amazing doesn’t it? Basically I just meant the giant corporation that is Starbucks.

Me (actual voice accompanied by surrendering tone): “Ummmm yes a piece of lemon loaf, please….and a blueberry oatmeal…please.”

Then I go home, immediately turn on Morning Joe, down my venti before it gets cold in 10 minutes, eat BOTH the lemon loaf and the oatmeal….don’t gasp – we’ve all done it and besides the oatmeal cancels out the lemon loaf….and sigh about the state of the world. The result? Self-improvement in three areas: contribution to corporate conglomerate (?) America…CHECK, awareness of national and global issues…CHECK, and confidence as a mother of a hell raising toddler….CHECK.

So, in the end it was worth it….all $25 of my last “end of 2 week vacation” breakfast.

Back to the initial question, do I love or hate Starbucks? It’s an emotional rollercoaster.