I found this draft this morning and thought I would post it because even though it’s very raw and unedited, it describes the age of 3 to a Terrible T. Enjoy!
3 …a mystical number, three strikes, Three’s Company (uh-oh!) , good things and bad things come in threes, three tardies = detention – oh no wait not anymore because Restorative Justice, third times a charm….here’s what this mama wasn’t expecting ….
3 years of age = a minimum of 3 meltdowns a day, at least 3 no’s for every yes….and those do not include thank you after them, repeating myself at least 3 times per conversation only to get a finally answer of NO, or sometimes an ear-piercing scream in my face. Also 3 minute time outs, 3 pairs of underwear a day, sometimes 3 outfits a day, or 3 Mickey shows in a row so I don’t lose my GOSH DARN MIND.
Um to all of you women who neglected to emphasize the shit parts of being a mom – I have a gesture for you and it’s not a royalty wave or a high five. What the FRENCH, ladies???
It goes without saying that the age of 3 has certainly left me longing for those “terrible twos”. Apparently the fit throwing, not listening, screaming 2 year old monster was just an appetizer for the main course who has taken over my son’s body and eaten his soul. Now I have a fit throwing, not listening, screaming 3 year old WHO TALKS BACK and much to my disdain CAN REASON/MANIPULATE, and as of recently SASS.
The other day Henry was attempting to throw a hard plastic Brontosaurus in the direction of another human in the room and of course was immediately reprimanded. So, end of story. He’ll never throw a dinosaur again. Oh wait…..
We went through all the verbiage in several tones ranging from firm to down right exasperated.
“Throwing dinosaurs, specifically Brontosaurus because he’s fucking enormous, hurts people and makes them sad.” (Kidding, we didn’t say “f*ck”.)
“We play nice with our dinosaurs. Brontosaurus has a broken tail and could really scratch, poke, scrape, or murder someone if it hits him/her. (Kidding, we didn’t say “murder”.)
All to which Henry responded by defiantly twirling the Brontosaurus around in the air which looked like he was going to throw it, and saying “I’m just swinging it.”
And to add insult to injury he gave us this look that basically said a variety of taunting remarks; “Go f*ck yourself, guys.”, Whatcha gonna do now, b*tches?, “It’s an Apatosaurus, idiots; Brontosaurus isn’t a thing anymore.”…..
Midlife Yogi 